


Always Been You

by AWeekendInMay



Series: Birthday!Michael [3]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, Mashton, Sad Michael, fetus 5sos, mashton af, sentimental ash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 15:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5339690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWeekendInMay/pseuds/AWeekendInMay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every memory they had ever had as a band was all here in the scrapbook. And on the very last page was a picture of the four of them, or the four boys they use to be anyway. It had been taken after their very first gig at the Annandale. Luke, Calum, and Michael were all smiling at the camera with huge goofy grins, a little blurry because they were too hyped to stand still enough for the picture. And Ashton, sweet handsome Ashton the only one not blurry, was looking at Michael.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Been You

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read the first two fics in the series i recommend you do that first otherwise some of this will not make sense

Michael was fucked, literally and figuratively. He winced as he lowered himself onto the couch in the middle of the dark living room. It was getting late, only an hour or so left in his birthday. The boys had thrown him a huge party with all of their friends, but his mind had been elsewhere all day and he had asked them to call it off early, feigning a headache. He couldn’t stop thinking about the ache in his ass, or how it had gotten there. Had he really let both Luke and Calum fuck him? What the hell was he thinking! They weren’t even into guys... right? Michael was supposed to be the token gay guy in this damn band. 

Luke had been one of his best friends since year 10, Calum even longer. How could he be so selfish, let them do something that could completely fuck up the band and their friendship. How was he supposed to look them in the eyes now? Or even be in the same room as them? He had avoided them all night, pretending to party it up with everyone else so he didn’t have to talk to either boy. And he couldn’t stop the full body shiver that coarsed through him when Luke had put a hand on the small of his back and Calum a hand on his shoulder when they sang happy birthday. 

Michael dropped his head into his hands, biting his lip hard to hold back the tears that had started to pool in the corners of his eyes. Everything was different now. He had always had a special liking for both of them. How could he not? Cal was so soft and cuddly, big puppy eyes full of love. Michael remembers waking up in Cal’s bed after their first sleepover at age seven and thinking he wouldn’t mind waking up this way every morning for the rest of his life. 

Luke was the reason Michael realized he liked boys in year nine. He couldn’t help but fall for the blue eyed boy with a voice like an angel. Luke was so nerdy and shy with clumsy legs a bit too long. But he had always had something more about him, lying just beneath the surface. A cool air of power in the way he held himself that made Michael’s mouth go dry.

He had watched them both grow into men, into six foot something rock gods with the world at their feet. Calum with his perfect toned body, full mouth, and caramel inked skin that Michael wanted to lick every inch of. And Luke with his sexy lip ring, a smirk that should be illegal, and those damned button up shirts with too many buttons undone. How was Michael supposed to function? And now that he had had a taste, how could he control the feelings that he had kept so carefully hidden. 

He had fucked both of them, on the same day. Two of the people who meant the most to him. He had given himself over to them so easily. Did Calum know what he and Luke had done like Luke knew about Calum? Did they think Michael was a slut? Maybe they would kick him out of the band. And what if Ashton found out? Would he think Michael would try to sleep with him too? Everything was so fucked up. What had seemed like the best birthday ever turned quickly into the worst as everything crashed down around him. 

The couch dipped in beside him and Michael startled, looking up to see who it was. Ashton sat there on the couch, golden hair tumbling wildly around his face catching the dim lamp light like he was some god. Ash had always been handsome, and everything that Michael knew he would never be. He had always seemed a bit god like to Michael, so much older and wiser even though he was technically only older by a year or so. And he had the Adonis body to match. 

Ashton’s face was serious and Michael sucked in a breath, saying a silent prayer that Ashton hadn’t found out and was here to kick him out of the band. Ashton reached up and ran a hand through Michael’s hair, stopping when he got to the base of Michael’s neck, his big strong fingers kneading at the tension there. His other hand griped Michael’s t-shirt, pulling him forward so Michael was curled up on the couch, his head in Ashton’s lap.

“I can’t stop thinking about out first band practice.” Ashton murmured lowly. “We were all so young, especially you three. But you had something, I could see it immediately. Your talent was rough, but something about you three had me drawn in like a magnet. I could never figure out what it was, where that magic was coming from. Until we played our first big stadium gig on the 1D tour. The whole night I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. The way you moved around the stage so effortlessly. We all had to work on your stage presence, but you Michael, you’ve always just had it. You were fucking born to be on a stage. And I remember thinking that night that never wanted to stop watching you perform. And that’s when I realized, its been you all along, from the very first practice. How gifted you are at playing guitar, the way you sound when you harmonize with Luke or Cal. You fucking light up like the night sky. When you blew out your candles tonight I couldn’t help but see that 15 year old with awful emo fringe standing there. We’ve come so far, us lads. I never thought we would get to where we are. And it’s because of you, Mike.”

Tears dripped down Michael’s face, staining the fabric of Ashton’s pants. Ashton smiled down at him softly, his fingers sliding down from Michael’s hair to brush the tears from his pale skin. He cupped Michael’s face in his big hands, thumbs brushing gently at the corners of Michael’s lips, and Michael’s heart stopped. The smile suddenly slipped from Ash’s face, his jaw clenching and then a strange look passing over his face. Then he was leaning down, lifting Michael slightly towards him. Michael froze as he felt Ashton’s soft lips press lightly against the corner of his mouth. 

“What do we have here?” Michael could hear the smirk in Luke’s voice as light flooded the living room. Ashton jerked away, quickly rising from the couch, letting Michael’s head fall against the cushion. His face was a hardened mask, the look from before now gone as he clenched his hands into fists at his side and shook his head. “Nothing Lukey, just telling Mike happy birthday.”

His gaze dropped down to Michael and he reached down to pull a rectangle box from underneath the couch. He handed it to Michael, managing a soft smile. “Happy birthday Michael.” Michael took the box, watching numbly as Ash retreated from the living room. His gaze landed on Luke standing in the doorway, hands braced on his hips and a huge smirk still on his face. Calum stood behind him, half hiding behind the door frame, his eyes a little sad. Luke shook his head and smiled tossing out a quick ‘goodnight kitten’ before grabbing Calum and heading back down the hall.

Michael was going to be sick. He stared down at the box for what felt like hours but was really probably about three minutes. He took a breath and carefully slid his fingers beneath the tape, lifting the top off. Inside lay a scrapbook. Michael couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of Ashton putting together a scrapbook with his huge hands. He carefully lifted the book out of the box and began to flip through it. Ashton had somehow managed to document everything. There were pictures from their first few practices, from the 1D tour, from parties and their houses in LA and England, screenshots from twitcams, pictures from meet and greets, songwriting sessions, and their first headlining tour. Every memory they had ever had as a band was all here. And on the very last page was a picture of the four of them, or the four boys they use to be anyway. It had been taken after their very first gig at the Annandale. Luke, Calum, and Michael were all smiling at the camera with huge goofy grins, a little blurry because they were too hyped to stand still enough for the picture. And Ashton, sweet handsome Ashton the only one not blurry, was looking at Michael. He had the same expression on as the one that passed over his face right before he kissed Michael. 

Michael shook his head, not stupid or desperate enough to let himself think what that expression could mean. He had messed up. He had already lost Calum, could tell from the look on the Maori boy’s face, and Luke surely couldn’t keep a secret if the smirk on his face told anything. So Luke would tell Ashton what had happened. And then, he would lose Ashton too.

Michael clutched the book to his chest, curling up on the small couch, and let the tears fall.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry about this I promise there will be a happy ending! The ot4 fic is up next.


End file.
